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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22438987">kiss me in the ruins of you and i tonight</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/pinkpunkmetal'>pinkpunkmetal (orphan_account)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Misgendering, Swearing, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, virgils trans in this one my dudes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 11:07:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,704</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22438987</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/pinkpunkmetal</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>virgil's parents never were supportive of him, but it doesn't really matter, does it?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>84</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>kiss me in the ruins of you and i tonight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>PLEASE READ THIS<br/>okay so, this work is a rewrite for one of my old one shots. said one shot is still on here, somewhere, since i orphaned it on an old account a really long time ago, and i unfortunately can't take it down even though i really wish i could. i'm saying this in case any of you find the original one. it's all mine, i'm not copying anyone, enjoy the shitshow yall (i definitely missed a couple of typos here and there cause im posting this after writing all day so if you find anything weird that's why) </p><p>(also the title is from rome falls by panicland, if any of you like queen and green day i'd recommend you check it out)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Virgil walked down a road - no, wait, scratch that, he was running -  his shoes dragging against the wet ground, his backpack swinging wildly on his shoulders, the only sound he could hear over the fuzzy sound of rain hitting the sidewalk was the one of his rushed steps.</p><p>He was shaking from the ice cold rain that soaked every part of his being, from his shoes up to his hair and saying that he was mad would be a gross understatement - he was more than mad, he was furious, outraged, pissed off at the very least of it. </p><p>It was dark, too, and he couldn’t quite make out everything he was walking past, but he didn’t need to - he had walked that same path for what felt like hundreds of times to him in the past.</p><p>His legs hurt, the muscles aching from all the weight he was carrying and couldn’t quite handle, but he didn’t care. He needed to get away. </p><p>He needed to get away from the place he once called his own house, from the parents that were supposed to love him no matter what. He had to run away from them, before they could drag him back with them and try to send him off to whatever place they thought would “fix” him - a private school, a catholic counselor, or worst of all, a conversion camp. </p><p>His mind clouded with anger once again - fuck them, fuck their bigoted closed off mind, fuck their abuse and all of the years they spent trying to build him into a perfect little daughter. He was never their daughter and he swore to himself, right in that moment that he would never be, and that he would never go back to them. He was tired of being mocked and belittled and ridiculed and teased and everything else in between for something they had dubbed as nothing but a silly phase, when Virgil knew it couldn’t have been just that - something that had felt so real to him in the past and kept on being true even in the very moment he was living in couldn’t have been just “something everyone goes through.” </p><p>His eyes filled with tears at the thought - if from anger, sadness, or fear, even, he didn’t know - but he wiped them off quickly. He didn’t want to cry. Yet. </p><p>He started running faster, his knees threatening to give out under his own weight, his lungs burning in the worst way possible, but he still pushed through. He needed to get to Roman’s house before it got too dark out, he didn’t want to find himself in anything dangerous.</p><p>He had gotten kicked out again. </p><p>This time, he had left without a word - not even a note. They would have to realize on their own that when they told him to just get out of their door, he actually wasn’t going to come back. He had put everything that had ever mattered to him in the couple of bags he could find, and stormed off - and hell, he wished he had flipped them the bird when he had the chance to. </p><p>It started to rain harder, the already pouring rain growing more and more violent, and Virgil swore - he was getting cold - but he tried shrugging it off, despite the fact that he couldn’t really see and that the water was starting to melt the makeup he was forced to wear by his mother - his ex mother, actually - away, and that wasn’t pleasant in the slightest. </p><p>Roman’s house came into Virgil’s sight, and he finally slowed down to a walking pace, catching his breath, realizing just then just how drained - both physically and mentally - he was. He was a mess, his makeup smeared and melted away, his hair sticking to his face and neck, his clothes completely soaked, nevermind his bags. </p><p>He walked up to their front door, and knocked - maybe a little too loudly but he guessed that it didn’t really matter, it’s not like anyone would have minded too much - grateful for the fact that the small porch above his head covered him up from the rain, even if just for a couple of seconds.</p><p>The door opened up, and a very tired looking Roman stood on the other side, a slightly confused look on his face. </p><p>“Virge?” Roman said, immediately stepping aside “Oh my god, come in”</p><p>Virgil walked inside, feeling a little self conscious about how he was getting the spotless floor of the house dirty, and he shot a look that said “I’m sorry” to Roman, who didn’t even acknowledge it. </p><p>Roman took the bags - well, his backpack and a big gym bag - away from Virgil, and placed them near the door, before speaking “What happened?” not that he didn’t have an idea of what could have possibly went on, but he still wanted confirmation from Virgil himself. </p><p>“Can we talk about it when I’m dry and possibly in one of your hoodies? I’m getting cold as shit”</p><p>Roman stopped for a moment, and looked Virgil in the eyes, maybe he was trying to make Virgil talk or maybe he was just thinking, but he eventually nodded “Yeah, come with me” </p><p>They both stepped into Roman’s bathroom, and Virgil spoke up first, after seeing himself in the mirror above the sink “Can you help me take off this makeup? I look like a fucking clown or something” </p><p>Roman rummaged through one of the many drawers near him, and pulled out a pack of makeup wipes - his mother’s, Virgil supposed, as he perched himself up on the counter behind him. </p><p>Roman stepped forward, in between his legs, until they were face to face, and started wiping away at his face, removing blobs of black from under his eyes and smudged lipstick and foundation until his face was clean and he looked definitely more comfortable with himself. </p><p>Roman leaned in and pressed a small kiss on the bridge of Virgil’s nose “all clean” he said, and shot him a small smile, despite all of the worry still bubbling in his mind “I’m gonna go grab you some clothes, you can dry your hair with that towel over there meanwhile, okay?”</p><p>“Okay” Virgil replied simply, and Roman placed a kiss on Virgil’s forehead, before turning and walking out of the bathroom </p><p>----</p><p>“So, do you want to tell me what’s going on? I’m getting worried” Roman said, his voice softer than usual, but his tone didn’t do anything to mask the worry - and sadness, maybe? Virgil thought - that he was feeling, </p><p>They were sitting in Roman’s living room, close enough that their knees and hips touched, Roman’s arm around a now dry Virgil. Virgil sighs, and wraps himself deeper into the burgundy colored hoodie that Roman had let him borrow before speaking - he knew that Roman would get mad and upset over it but it’s not like he could hide it. </p><p>“I got kicked out” he stopped briefly, and took a deep breath “again”</p><p>Roman gripped Virgil’s shoulders tighter, and silence fell between the two of them. Virgil looked up at Roman, waiting for him to say something - anything. Roman’s face twists into a mask of pure anger Virgil had seen on him only once - maybe twice - on him before, something so different from the soft smile he was so used to seeing. </p><p>“Are you-” He started, his voice raising into an almost screaming tone, and only then Virgil realized just how mad his boyfriend was “Are you fucking kidding me? They did it again? They can’t do that-”</p><p>“They can. I’m eighteen, Ro. I’m legally an adult, there’s little to nothing stopping them.” Virgil cut him off with a bitter sigh.  His anger towards his parents had simmered down, now replaced by coldness and tiredness and even though he loathed saying this - sadness and even fear. </p><p> </p><p>"Those fucking assholes," Roman paused for a moment, trying to rationalize his anger and string words into a phrase with a proper structure and a meaning.<br/>
"They just can't- why would they even- how could they- what the fuck- I don't-" he struggled "How could they kick you out? A parent is supposed to support their child no matter who they are"</p><p>“How could anyone be so selfish and self centered and downright hateful to their own child to kick them out of their own house because of something they can’t change. It’s unbelievable to me”</p><p>“Apparently they never loved me. I don’t blame them.” Virgil replied, his voice cracking at the end, so sad, and something about it made Roman’s heart shatter and his stomach drop.</p><p>Virgil went quiet, his mind racing, filling with what could only be described as the worst form of self loathing - they never loved him, he knew that. He was never worth it for them, never enough, always someone to set aside and point and laugh at. It hurt him, even though he pretended not to care - even though he shouldn’t have cared - and even though he knew that he wasn’t the one in the wrong and that he’d never be. </p><p>He wished he didn’t care so much. </p><p>Virgil started to shake - if from the cold that still clung to his bones or the dangerous flurry of emotions he was experiencing, he didn’t really know - and tears welled up in his eyes, a sob tearing itself out of his lips involuntarily, and Roman noticed immediately, his protective nature coming out, pushing his anger aside. </p><p>“Oh no, bunny, baby, come here” Roman said, wrapping his arms around Virgil to hug him, eventually pulling him into his lap, where Virgil settled happily, burying his face into his neck. </p><p>Roman wrapped his arms around Virgil once again, one of his hands rubbing in circles at his back in a n attempt to soothe him “Let it all out, you’ll feel better” </p><p>Virgil tried to speak, but despite the effort he put into it, all that came out of his throat through the tears was a shaky word or two, his voice strained and incomprehensible</p><p>He breathed in deeply, and tried to speak again, this time managing to get something out “<br/>
"I just don't get why. I didn't do anything wrong, I didn't piss them off, I tried so hard to make them understand and to-" A sob cut him off mid sentence "I don't know, restore our relationship? Try to make them understand me better? I don't know" </p><p>“I mean I do know why they did what they did but I thought I had made them a little more tolerant? A little better towards me. I don’t know” he continued "They decided that I wasn't useful to them anymore and they just told me to pack my stuff and leave. And even then they still called me their daughter. And I don’t regret leaving, of course, I just don’t- Am I not good enough the way I am?"</p><p>"Don't you dare say that. Don't. You're much more than what they made you believe. You're so, so special, and most importantly, you're valid. You're a boy, no matter what they say, no matter what they made you believe"</p><p>Virgil didn’t reply. Roman thought he didn’t need to.</p><p>Roman pressed a kiss on the top of the head of the boy in his arms, a small gesture to remind him of just how loved he is - because hell, he’s the person Roman loves the most. They stay like that, Virgil’s face pressed into Roman’s neck and Roman’s arms around him for what feels like hours to the both of them, until Virgil’s crying slows down. </p><p>“You’ll be fine, bunny. You’ll be just fine” he soothes, his voice breathy, resembling a whisper, almost. </p><p>“What if i won’t be?” </p><p>“You will be, no what ifs” he said “and even if you won’t be I’ll still be here no matter what” </p><p>Roman’s hand rubs at Virgil’s back again - he was still shaking, and hurting, and he wished he could have stayed right there, safe in his lover’s arms forever, hiding away from the world - that time though, his hand slipped under Virgil’s hoodie - his actually - to rub at his naked skin, something Virgil enjoyed when he was upset, and Virgil gasps, surprised, at the unexpected action. </p><p>“Jesus, warn me next time” </p><p>“Sorry” Roman mumbles “you’re so cold, what the hell, are you okay?” </p><p>Virgil shook his head no “I’m cold, tired, and everything hurts. I haven’t been sleeping well lately, too. I think the last time I slept properly was when we had a sleepover like two weeks ago” </p><p>“Do you want to go lay down with me upstairs? We can talk more or just nap if you’re really really tired” Roman suggested, and Virgil nodded. </p><p>“Carry me?” Virgil says, finally looking up to face Roman properly. His eyes were red and puffy, his cheeks still damp with tears, the sight painful to Roman, who just nodded. He placed his hands on Virgil’s thighs just as he wrapped his arms around his neck and hid his face once again in a well practiced move, and started walking towards the stairs that led to his own bedroom. </p><p>They entered his room, Roman slamming the door closed with his foot after walking in, of course, and he let Virgil down on his own bed, soon following him, covering himself and Virgil with the fluffy blanket that was folded neatly at the foot of the bed, its bright blue color something familiar and comforting to Virgil - it was his favorite blanket, of the ones Roman owned, at least. </p><p>Virgil curled up against Roman’s chest, feeling his heartbeat through Roman’s shirt, strong and steady and his, and for a moment - just a moment - he forgot about all the shit he had been through, he forgot about anything that wasn’t ined  that room, that wasn’t the way Roman was holding him, his arms around him, his touch making him feel safe and at ease and oh-so-warm, and there was nothing that could have hurt either of them, nothing to be afraid of, no sadness. It was them, and they had each other, and that’s what mattered in that very moment. </p><p>“I love you” Virgil whispered, almost as if anything louder would ruin the whole thing and every bad thing they both had experienced would come back to haunt them. </p><p>“I know, I love you too, bunny” Roman replied, and Virgil’s heart fluttered at the - weird, he will admit, but still sweet - pet name, and he placed a small kiss on Roman’s chest, over his shirt, and Roman let out an almost inaudible - and surely involuntary - sigh. </p><p>“Ro?” Virgil called out, shyly, almost, his tone too unsure for what he’s about to ask. </p><p>Roman made a noise of acknowledgement “Yeah?” </p><p>“Can I kiss you?” Virgil asked, getting out of Roman’s grip so he could face him and look at him in the eyes. </p><p>He didn’t answer, but he just leaned in, resting his hand on Virgil’s jaw, leaving him to close the gap between them. The kiss was warm and almost innocent, chaste, just a touching of lips and nothing else.</p><p>Virgil was the one to pull back first, a small smile making its way on his face - his kiss was the calm after the storm for him, what made everything okay. Roman smiled back, and for once Virgil believes that he’ll be fine. </p><p>He kissed him again, this time a bit more firmly. His lips were chapped but soft and warm and everything Virgil needed right then. This time, Roman was the one to pull back, and his smile is even wider, and Virgil couldn't help it, and his smile grew wider too. </p><p>"Come on, Virge, you said you were tired. Let's nap."</p><p>Virgil nodded, and Roman shifted, so that his back was facing Virgil, and despite their height difference, Virgil was the one holding Roman - just like they always did when they slept together. Roman’s hand looked for Virgil’s under the covers, and when he found it, he took it in his, and placed both of their hands over his chest, giving his lover’s hand a subtle squeeze. It said “I love you, I’m here for you” </p><p>They’ll be okay.</p>
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